Updates from forever ago

I wrote these down, and people said it would be good to keep them.

July 18:

Still no kitchen, who can actually guess how long it will be now.

The first few months in Columbus was a stumbling act, I'm finally getting on my feet.

I have a new idea for a documentary and I'm really excited, I also am entering a 48 hour film contest in August.

I have been trying to buy a 7 dollar television set for about a week now and they won't sell it to me.

Both dogs are fine again, and I can take them to the park once more. I don't know who was missing that more actually.

I am happy, and someone gave me a gift that really made me dance a little on the inside. I just wish she hadn't left for 6 months.

Gas was 3.90 when I bought it today.
May 17:

Still no kitchen, it is 16 days past due. If I were to guess, I'd say 5 more weeks.

Just saw Flight of the concords.

I've said enough is enough, and so I've had enough.

Job didn't work out, going back on the look out.

I met John McCain, and saw Al Gore speak within two weeks of each other.

Edwards finally tossed his support of Obama now, so I guess I'm all in.

Finally finishing up this script, and starting a new one.

Possibility of a new series starting involving Mini golf.

I am digging my new friends in Columbus, and I hope to make more.

Emma(dog age 1) was thought to have a serious aliment, but as it turns out she is just a puppy.

Gas is $3.92, and I need to change my oil.

October 28th:

It has been 5 months since my dear friend left and I'll be happy to have her back in one month.

Emma has eaten more of Kiersten's shoes then I've owned in the last 5 years.

The kitchen just needs a floor, but still, no kitchen. Lights in the kitchen though.

I got a job in my field finally.

I spent 18 days in Pittsburgh and did not get to see everyone I wanted to. I shall return.

I need to spend more time finishing a script then thinking about finishing a script.

My schedule as I have it now has me working about 60 hours per week.

My father moved to Kansas because....well I have no idea.

I have already voted in the 2008 election, no Casinos in my state man.

I want to have a new movie and demo reel out by the new year. Also a new website. We'll see how motivated I can become.

I find that when I'm away from Columbus now, I feel like I'm away from home.

I love my dogs very much.

I fixed my headlight the other day.

I have a girlfriend who I think is swell.

Gas is $2.27.

Recent thoughts on the world and people on it.

So I have been trying to battle my current sleep problem. I've tried a number of things. Pills, food, porn, drugs, milk, exercise, sex, heat, cold...Nothing seems to work all that great, and pretty much all of those things leave me feeling dehydrated. So I went back to my friend two best friends who are always awake: television and the Internet.

When you can't sleep and you've seen everything new things are usually shows or events you'd never watch. Such as, I never really had interest in how to build a chair, or put a new exhaust on my truck, but here I am watching it for an hour. Well today I sat down and watched one full John McCain rally. It was a treat. He had all his talking points, and made sure to pause at appropriate moments to let his crowd soak in the goodness. Here's the question that confuses me about his campaign and politics in general: How can I know something is completely twisted around, but there is still a good % of people who don't have a clue.

I of course have many examples of this. The campaign has been pushing this oil drilling in the ocean thing. And have even gone with the phrase "Drill Baby Drill!" as a campaign slogan. Here is where the funny begins. Let's pretend you were to go out to the coast and decide to drill. Let's see how long would that take. A year? Maybe two? No no, try 10 years, and that's if you are lucky. What's more the oil that's out there won't even make a difference. If we took all 16 billion tons of oil that is laying around there, that would supply our country with energy for 2 1/2 years. That really really doesn't seem worth it to me.

What is EVEN EVEN GREATER to me personally is who wants it to happen. Let's just pretend for one second that I copied myself and then one of me's IQ dropped 40 points and I live where I do now, Ohio, or Iowa, any state that is not touching the ocean. The dumb part of me would say, "Let's offshore drill right now! We need energy for America" the smart me would answer "Well okay you're right, but why didn't they offshore drill now? Why is this even an issue?" dumb me would say,"The dems made it so that John McCain couldn't drill out there" smart me would say,"Hmm, no I think that those kinds of things are decided by the ENTIRE state."

Does anyone ever think that maybe those states don't want to offshore drill? That maybe just maybe they might worry about the environmental impact on their state, especially if so many marine jobs depend on clean and clear waters? Do they ever consider that a sunset off the coast may not be quite as magical if you see a giant oil rig 50 miles out? No. They don't. There is significant scientific evidence that clearing marshlands for pipeline in Louisiana helped magnify Katrina's effects. I just don't understand how anyone could sit down, read a paper, and still chant "Drill baby Drill" at a fucking rally!

Then we have nuclear power that McCain says Obama is against. Well personally, I'd prefer CO2 over waste that will be around for 10,000 years. A while ago I had a debate with a friend of mine on nuclear power. I was against it because of past meltdowns and the causes and effects of those meltdowns. I also briefly understood the storing process. I would have to say that she had won that argument. However, soon after I watched a full show on the building of the bunker where they store that waste. They have to build this place for people who may not even understand our language. 10,000 years. Let that process in your mind. If you were a evangelical Christian you'd realize that is longer then the 6,000 years man's been in existence. But let's talk about the present as well. It will take 7-10 years to build one power plant, and even after it's built it will take three years to have the plant working at total capacity. And let's pretend that there is a meltdown within the United States. Can anyone imagine what the people in that area will be like. We'd lose a part of our country for at least 100 years until radiation lowered, and ground water would be poisoned for 1,000s of years.

I could write forever about misleading all his statements are, but I don't think I could muster the strength. It seems clear to me at this point, that Obama will win. I guess we'll have to see what he can do as well.

So my second source was the Internet. I went to craig's list and entertained myself with the usually postings. I got really excited whens someone had posted a "missed connection" for the place that I work. Unfortunately it was customer talking to customer. Maybe next time. I also read some of the posting by the guys and the gals. Nothing could be sadder or more uplifting at the same time. I realized tonight that the idea of "bi" confuses and upsets me. I am totally alright with straight people, and gay people as well. However, bi people always confuse the hell out of me. I never know what they are interested in or how I should act towards someone like that. It is almost like the new gay. If in the 9os you would say "I'm gay" people would be like omg I can't believe it can you? Today it's like "I knew it all along". It is just so accepted now. Every single person I've met who was bi always had smugness about themselves. Not a negative smugness, just a sort of "Check out how interesting this is" type of thing. Like some that you know reads alot. They just have an edge over your own knowledge so you somehow feel stupid.

Either way, I think bisexuals offend me, if for no other reasons then if I dated one I would never trust them around any of their friends. It is almost like I like the girls I date because they can never state dating their girl friends. That sounds incredibly insensitive and offensive, but I'm sure in 10 years or so there will be some new thing that'll offend and confuse me even more.

Liberalism, Socialist, and other ideals that have sunk.

If any time before today you were to ask my stance on politics and beliefs, I may have told you that I was moving a liberal direction. However, today I was hit with some reality. Unfortunately this was one of those experiences that can't be explained in words. A person had to explain to me three times in three different ways what they were trying to tell me. Once I understood the third way, the rest followed and I opened my mind to new ideas about my understanding of what it is to be a liberal. This idea I was finding for myself without even realizing it, and I don't feel like expanding upon those thoughts right this moment.

A friend of my told me this story, this would be the third of three explanations. He recycles. He put out three milk containers, but unfortunately didn't wash them out, so they didn't pick them up. The smell of a milk container is terrible and so of course he decided it would be best to toss them in the regular garbage. A neighbor of his saw him do this and encountered him. Yelling at him about tossing plastic in the garbage when it could be recycled. My friend simply said to me that he didn't want to be accosted for not doing a "what socialite would consider a good deed."

I sat and took that information in. Not before expressing that I think that recycling is a government farce, that subsidies recycling by nearly 15 billion a year. Also there is no shortage of landfill space in this country, and recycling plants(haha FACTORIES) use almost three times the energy of just creating something new. And I am anti-plastic, recycled or otherwise to finish that thought.

I thoughts turned to Russia and the arts. Russia. Arts. Those two things are never really associated with each other. Why would that be I thought. Waste. Socialism, Communism, Liberal agenda, they all point to some point of regulation and conservation of goods. Art is thought of as wasteful, which is interesting. Artists in this country seem to be drawn to the liberal side of things much more often then the free trade side of things. Maybe freedom is something that isn't selling if you really are free.

I will need to read more about all of this. At this point I still consider myself a moderate. I doubt I will ever become a Republican or a Liberal. The Democrats fall under that two party system that I hate so much. Libertarian would probably best describe me, but I am probably not that either because I do believe in progressive government. So I am a moderate, and I have a moderate agenda to be concerned with. Free energy, Free speech, and Long life.

A Influence or a Outfluence

Every now and then we all get in the mood to watch a favorite movie. I was downstairs the other day and there was nothing to watch, and yet the mood called for just such a movie. The television in my living room isn't hooked up for anything but VHS, which unfortunately eliminates the use of 99% of all my movies. That margin still allowed for one of my favorite movies in recent years to be played, I Heart Huckabees. Many people ask me how I came to own such a recent movie (2004 release I believe) on VHS tape. It is oddly enough my last VHS purchase I bought it on a whim. I was at a Hollywood video and found that even though I had no membership there, they would still sell me movies. This was good because I had this stupid gift card, and I needed to use it on something. I believe the price was $3, and who could pass up that kind of deal.

So I continued to watch my movie. It is only after I watch it this time that I realize how much this movie has entangled itself in my life. I'll start off romantically. Every girl I've dated since high school has seen and loved this movie. Everyone of them has at some point quoted from it, sometimes casual and some not. The most recent quote was "There's glass between us."* This was in reference to the fact that we were agreeing not to see each other and that I was wearing glasses. Very clever, I always date the clever ones. A completely different girl had written in the "About me" section of a profile website "How am I not myself?"* All these past girls seemed to like this movie so much and all have seemed not to work out. I instituted a new rule at the beginning of 2008 that I would no longer be dating girls that quoted or overly liked this movie. I have stuck by that rule and it has worked out so far. I have been dating a new girl for a little while now and as a test I mentioned the movie to her and all she said was "That's that existentialist movie right?" Good answer.

Existentialism. That brings me to my next point about this movie. My philosophy on life. This needs to be explained. I saw the movie in winter of 2004 when it came out. I wasn't and existentialist till 2006 after an ethics class enlightened me. And I didn't revisit the idea that it was a movie about existentialism until 2007. That is because the existentialism that I follow is a completely different then the one in the movie. I'll break it down.

Existentialism for Me:
I believe that people live in one giant community, and that everything people do effects other people. When someone is at fault in the community it is not just that person's fault, it is the fault of everyone in that community. Personal decisions affect us all.

i.e A drunk driver runs me over on the corner of my street at night time. In our world we'd say it was just the drivers fault. Which is true, but it's not the whole truth.* The person who sold him the alcohol, his parents for what they taught him, the government for issuing him a license, the city for not lighting the streets properly, his friends for letting him drive....this list would continue until it reached everyone.

I Heart Huckabees is saying:
They were saying that everything is connected in the Universe. In a much more literal way then what I believe. It is interesting, and far more mind blowing then what I believe. However, I don't believe that people are sown through the fabric of time into each other. In case we are I'll go on record saying that's disgusting.

i.e A hamburger would in some way be connected to me because we both exist in the Universe.

Existentialism for You:
Existentialism is a great philosophy of life because it can change from person to person. You make up your own rules, and everything in your life falls under your own judgement of what's right and wrong. The big point is to think about more then just yourself, and try to expand of everyone and everything around you.

I think that many people bound to traditional religions find themselves forced into what they are told to do. I can't imagine following the rules of people I've never met and have no real clue about my life or who I am. It really is no wonder so many people are unhappy. I make my own rules on life and I follow them the best I can. Someone of faith may think that is easy, but not if you take it as seriously as I do.

The final thing that I draw from I Heart Huckabees is the art of it. The script is wonderful, the cast fits their roles, the scores roll wonderfully, and the shots are clean and meaningful. As the story goes more and more is let go. Mentions of every day things later turn out to be large portions of an even larger story. The movie itself expresses existentialist ideas in that our problems in life are often linked to things beyond ourselves, and we need to think that way. I can't think of to many other movies that deal with philosophy in such a smart and comical way. When I watch it I realize that it can be a great influence, but I'm no where near that level yet. Maybe someday, my mind really starts ticking away after movies like that.

Old Notebooks

Today I arrived home from the film festival and I was all jazzed up. Everything I saw gave me some idea for a shot or some idea for a new movie. I wanted to get a few things off my computer though so I had no way to write anything. How does anyone write anything anymore? Then I noticed a large stack of notebooks sitting on top of my bookcase. Ahh, I thought, my old college notebooks. I often forget what I put in these and none of them had anything written on the fronts. However, several of them had the same little pattern I had on the back. I use to draw little squares on top of one another until I was done being bored. This was actually helpful because the more squares that were on the back the more interesting the stuff inside had become. More boredom equaled more creative time inside of them. I wrote a poem and my freshmen year after I had woken up in class after a break and people had been laughing at me for sleeping. The dream I was having was about walking down stairs, I somewhat remember this.

"The room is nearly empty and I
find myself taking some pleasure from that.

Soon after I leave the room and I find myself
entering a stairway
When I first arrived I thought I was descending,
but ever since then I am ascending back towards the top.
A - D - A - D - A - D
has Escher help build this fantasy.

Sometimes the steps are so hard they hurt at a point.
Then again sometimes they give way to me as if I would
reach the bottom by remaining still.

It is couris(a word I clearly couldn't spell and have no idea what it is) I can hear more people now
and the staircase has become more wild.
Sometimes when I go down I go left and when I go up I go right.
A - D - L - A -R -D - L

Now I hear above me
My name
And laughter
The Stairway hits my side and my sight is jolted
The room is full now and I'm back
at the top."

I wrote this and forgot about it, I wonder how it will feel to read this again years later. As unimportant as that poem was, and as stupid as I know it was. It has helped me remember a day I would have just forgotten. Going though more of these notebooks saying things such as "Why did I come back?" I wonder who I wrote that to. Perhaps a friend who is no longer a friend anymore, and that made me miss our friendship. The funny bits to read come in at the strangest time. Pages and pages of notes and then a drawing of a duck on a hat. Why I did that I don't know, maybe the teacher had something to say about duck's on hats. Other things struck me too. I turned to a page that said "I <3 U". I had used the page in a Valentine's day film. I again made it this year as a Christmas gift for her. I stared at the page for several minutes and thought it would be alright if I tried to cry. Months earlier I could have willed myself to do something like that. Nothing came out, I was annoyed at myself for trying. I just need to keep making sure I'm not just fooling myself. I didn't tear the page out. I want to find it again in a few years and it will take me back again, to help me remember past mistakes and bad poems.

That's all for now.