A Influence or a Outfluence

Every now and then we all get in the mood to watch a favorite movie. I was downstairs the other day and there was nothing to watch, and yet the mood called for just such a movie. The television in my living room isn't hooked up for anything but VHS, which unfortunately eliminates the use of 99% of all my movies. That margin still allowed for one of my favorite movies in recent years to be played, I Heart Huckabees. Many people ask me how I came to own such a recent movie (2004 release I believe) on VHS tape. It is oddly enough my last VHS purchase I bought it on a whim. I was at a Hollywood video and found that even though I had no membership there, they would still sell me movies. This was good because I had this stupid gift card, and I needed to use it on something. I believe the price was $3, and who could pass up that kind of deal.

So I continued to watch my movie. It is only after I watch it this time that I realize how much this movie has entangled itself in my life. I'll start off romantically. Every girl I've dated since high school has seen and loved this movie. Everyone of them has at some point quoted from it, sometimes casual and some not. The most recent quote was "There's glass between us."* This was in reference to the fact that we were agreeing not to see each other and that I was wearing glasses. Very clever, I always date the clever ones. A completely different girl had written in the "About me" section of a profile website "How am I not myself?"* All these past girls seemed to like this movie so much and all have seemed not to work out. I instituted a new rule at the beginning of 2008 that I would no longer be dating girls that quoted or overly liked this movie. I have stuck by that rule and it has worked out so far. I have been dating a new girl for a little while now and as a test I mentioned the movie to her and all she said was "That's that existentialist movie right?" Good answer.

Existentialism. That brings me to my next point about this movie. My philosophy on life. This needs to be explained. I saw the movie in winter of 2004 when it came out. I wasn't and existentialist till 2006 after an ethics class enlightened me. And I didn't revisit the idea that it was a movie about existentialism until 2007. That is because the existentialism that I follow is a completely different then the one in the movie. I'll break it down.

Existentialism for Me:
I believe that people live in one giant community, and that everything people do effects other people. When someone is at fault in the community it is not just that person's fault, it is the fault of everyone in that community. Personal decisions affect us all.

i.e A drunk driver runs me over on the corner of my street at night time. In our world we'd say it was just the drivers fault. Which is true, but it's not the whole truth.* The person who sold him the alcohol, his parents for what they taught him, the government for issuing him a license, the city for not lighting the streets properly, his friends for letting him drive....this list would continue until it reached everyone.

I Heart Huckabees is saying:
They were saying that everything is connected in the Universe. In a much more literal way then what I believe. It is interesting, and far more mind blowing then what I believe. However, I don't believe that people are sown through the fabric of time into each other. In case we are I'll go on record saying that's disgusting.

i.e A hamburger would in some way be connected to me because we both exist in the Universe.

Existentialism for You:
Existentialism is a great philosophy of life because it can change from person to person. You make up your own rules, and everything in your life falls under your own judgement of what's right and wrong. The big point is to think about more then just yourself, and try to expand of everyone and everything around you.

I think that many people bound to traditional religions find themselves forced into what they are told to do. I can't imagine following the rules of people I've never met and have no real clue about my life or who I am. It really is no wonder so many people are unhappy. I make my own rules on life and I follow them the best I can. Someone of faith may think that is easy, but not if you take it as seriously as I do.

The final thing that I draw from I Heart Huckabees is the art of it. The script is wonderful, the cast fits their roles, the scores roll wonderfully, and the shots are clean and meaningful. As the story goes more and more is let go. Mentions of every day things later turn out to be large portions of an even larger story. The movie itself expresses existentialist ideas in that our problems in life are often linked to things beyond ourselves, and we need to think that way. I can't think of to many other movies that deal with philosophy in such a smart and comical way. When I watch it I realize that it can be a great influence, but I'm no where near that level yet. Maybe someday, my mind really starts ticking away after movies like that.

Old Notebooks

Today I arrived home from the film festival and I was all jazzed up. Everything I saw gave me some idea for a shot or some idea for a new movie. I wanted to get a few things off my computer though so I had no way to write anything. How does anyone write anything anymore? Then I noticed a large stack of notebooks sitting on top of my bookcase. Ahh, I thought, my old college notebooks. I often forget what I put in these and none of them had anything written on the fronts. However, several of them had the same little pattern I had on the back. I use to draw little squares on top of one another until I was done being bored. This was actually helpful because the more squares that were on the back the more interesting the stuff inside had become. More boredom equaled more creative time inside of them. I wrote a poem and my freshmen year after I had woken up in class after a break and people had been laughing at me for sleeping. The dream I was having was about walking down stairs, I somewhat remember this.

"The room is nearly empty and I
find myself taking some pleasure from that.

Soon after I leave the room and I find myself
entering a stairway
When I first arrived I thought I was descending,
but ever since then I am ascending back towards the top.
A - D - A - D - A - D
has Escher help build this fantasy.

Sometimes the steps are so hard they hurt at a point.
Then again sometimes they give way to me as if I would
reach the bottom by remaining still.

It is couris(a word I clearly couldn't spell and have no idea what it is) I can hear more people now
and the staircase has become more wild.
Sometimes when I go down I go left and when I go up I go right.
A - D - L - A -R -D - L

Now I hear above me
My name
And laughter
The Stairway hits my side and my sight is jolted
The room is full now and I'm back
at the top."

I wrote this and forgot about it, I wonder how it will feel to read this again years later. As unimportant as that poem was, and as stupid as I know it was. It has helped me remember a day I would have just forgotten. Going though more of these notebooks saying things such as "Why did I come back?" I wonder who I wrote that to. Perhaps a friend who is no longer a friend anymore, and that made me miss our friendship. The funny bits to read come in at the strangest time. Pages and pages of notes and then a drawing of a duck on a hat. Why I did that I don't know, maybe the teacher had something to say about duck's on hats. Other things struck me too. I turned to a page that said "I <3 U". I had used the page in a Valentine's day film. I again made it this year as a Christmas gift for her. I stared at the page for several minutes and thought it would be alright if I tried to cry. Months earlier I could have willed myself to do something like that. Nothing came out, I was annoyed at myself for trying. I just need to keep making sure I'm not just fooling myself. I didn't tear the page out. I want to find it again in a few years and it will take me back again, to help me remember past mistakes and bad poems.

That's all for now.